Reflecting on April 12, 2021: Co-Parenting Challenges and Listening to Our Kids
Originally documented April 12, 2021 | Posted now as part of my healing and reflection journey
There are moments in parenting where you feel completely powerless—where you’re just trying to hold it together and do what’s best for your kids, even when the situation feels impossible. April 12, 2021, was one of those days.
That afternoon, Nick got a call from Autumn and Aurora’s counselor, Kerith. She had read Nick’s summary email from Friday and wanted to follow up after hearing from DCF that morning. Nick shared what we knew so far during a short 10-minute call—just before he had to leave to pick up our youngest from preschool.
Later that evening, the school counselor replied to a message from Katie, confirming she would check in with the girls the following day.
Something Was Off
At 6:51 PM, Autumn called Nick. She sounded happy. She wanted to play Minecraft and chatted about her day. But then the conversation took a turn. She mentioned something about her mom being on her account, messaging her friends.
Nick tried to stay neutral and reassuring, saying maybe Katie was just checking to make sure she was safe online. Autumn asked about a strange app called “EZOneHand.” Nick looked it up while on the phone with her—it was just a keyboard tool—but in hindsight, the conversation hinted that Autumn felt like her privacy was being violated. And that was upsetting for her.
The Devices Taken
Shortly after, Andrew (11) called Autumn to ask if she wanted to play Minecraft with him. But the moment he called, he overheard Katie yelling and taking her devices away. He didn’t even get to say goodbye before the call ended. He was so upset, he immediately called Nick, worried.
At 7:28 PM, Autumn called again—this time from the home phone. Her devices had been taken. She was upset. The call was chaotic. Katie quickly jumped on the line, accusing Autumn of being aggressive and intimidating her, claiming she had thrown her tablet (which had already been taken earlier).
Autumn later admitted she threw a water bottle out of frustration after Katie had followed her around the house, recording her and pushing a camera in her face. She just felt hopeless and overwhelmed.
Trying to De-Escalate
Katie said, “Just come get Autumn. She’s scaring Aurora.” She said maybe Autumn could still come back in the morning for Grampy’s birthday surprise if she calmed down. We said okay and asked for Autumn’s backpack and devices—just in case, and so we could adjust parental controls. Katie resisted at first but eventually agreed.
When Autumn got on the phone, she repeated what Katie told her: “You can’t bring your tablet unless you screenshot your mom that you’ve blocked all your apps.” We told her not to worry about it—that’s a grown-up issue, not something for her to carry.
When Nick arrived to pick her up, Autumn was already sitting outside. Her hands were cold, and she had tears streaming down her face. Katie was just sitting in the car, unfazed. It broke our hearts.
Back in Our Home, But Still Hurting
On the car ride home, Autumn opened up. She was frustrated and sad. She told us how hard it’s been not being able to connect with friends or family—especially when she’s feeling low. She said she apologized to Grampy before leaving, saying she’d try to come back in a few days. Katie made her feel guilty, saying she was being selfish for leaving and missing his birthday.
What hurt the most was what she shared about the days following her hospital visit. Katie wouldn’t let her use glass cups, wouldn’t let her be alone—not even with pencils. Autumn had reached out to her friends, who sympathized and told her they’d felt similarly in the past. That meant so much to her. But when Katie found out, she told Autumn her friends were “trashy” and that they were just joking about mental health.
That crushed her. Autumn really believed her friends were sincere. She needed connection. She needed understanding. And she needed someone to believe her.
Looking Back
I’m sharing this not because I have all the answers, but because I’m still learning and growing. These are the things we’ve lived through. These are the moments that remind us how fragile trust and safety can be—and how much kids internalize when they don’t feel believed, seen, or heard.
If you’ve ever been in a co-parenting situation that feels like walking a tightrope, I see you. If your child is struggling and you’re trying your best to navigate complex emotions and systems—you’re not alone.
Sometimes there are no easy answers. Just listening. Just trying. Just doing what we can with what we have.
