TikToks, Promises, and Plant Pots: Lessons in Relationship Reciprocity
Ever send someone a TikTok that's basically your love language, only to hear crickets? Yeah, me too. Relationships thrive when we care about each other's interests—be it gardening, gaming, or figuring out who stole whose charger.
In Mi'kmaq culture, relationships are guided by the Seven Sacred Teachings, reminding us of the importance of mutual respect, honesty, and humility. But sometimes, let's be real—even the best intentions slip. In a journal entry I wrote back in 2021, I pleaded, "Take a few minutes a day to watch the TikToks I send you... I've done my fair share of watching whatever you want and even tried playing your video games, but you rarely return the favor."
That moment came during a relationship where I found myself writing lists, suggesting apps, proposing journaling, and even Googling date ideas—just trying to spark something, anything. "Start a conversation about our relationship and how you're feeling at least once a week," I wrote. I was practically begging for connection, for follow-through, for some shared vision of the future. But instead, I was met with emotional shutdowns, broken promises, and defensiveness.
And you know what? No amount of lists, talks, or tears fixed it. You can beg someone to meet you halfway, but if they’re committed to standing still, you’ll just wear yourself out walking in circles. Sometimes the bravest thing—the most sacred thing—you can do is stop trying to fix what was never being tended to in the first place.
So I left.
And leaving wasn’t easy. But it was healing. Because reciprocity isn’t about begging. It’s about choosing each other, again and again, with love, respect, and presence.
Whether it's promising to take up woodworking, hiking, or even growing a pot plant (no, not that kind!), the work of relationship is mutual. Show up. Laugh together. Make plans. Ask about each other's dreams. And for the love of all things sacred—watch the TikTok.
Here’s to showing up, learning together, and never again settling for a love that makes you beg for basic care.
