Spring Staycation & Small Lessons in Communication

🌿 Spring Staycation & Small Lessons in Communication

Nick and I canceled our April vacation—the one we had paid for last year—because we learned we won’t have Aurora with us that week. It was a hard decision, but ultimately the right one. So instead, we decided to plan something smaller, something local and flexible.

It took a while to figure out the timing, but we finally made it happen today—and I’m so glad we did. It wasn’t elaborate or expensive, but it was filled with moments that mattered.

💙 One-on-One Moments

Both girls seemed to really enjoy themselves, each in their own way.

• Aurora chose to go with Nick to the Titanic Museum, and it meant a lot to her to have that focused time with her dad.
• Later, Autumn and Nick went out for dinner together—just the two of them. Another intentional moment of connection.

We’ve been trying to make more space for this kind of 1-on-1 bonding lately. When you have a big family and blended dynamics, it’s easy to let individual needs get swallowed up. But these small moments are sacred. They’re how we build Love and Respect in ways that stick.

🌱 Practicing Communication

Of course, no day is without its challenges. Aurora continues to struggle with how to communicate when she's frustrated—especially with Austin. He sometimes takes her things (as younger siblings do), and instead of using her words, she reacts physically or with angry looks. We had two of those moments today.

Each time, we gently walked her through the steps: pause, breathe, use words, ask for help. It may seem small, but every time she practices, she grows. These are the daily moments where we’re trying to teach Courage, Honesty, and Truth.

Autumn, interestingly, does something similar. When she saw Austin playing with toilet paper in the bathroom (again, sibling life!), she didn’t come tell us directly. Instead, she just shouted something vague like, “Guys, oh my gosh, come here! Austin!” but didn’t explain. It reminded me that communication isn’t always intuitive—it’s learned. Modeled. Practiced.

🪶 We’re Still Learning

I don’t write these stories because I think we’re doing everything right. I write them because they remind me we’re trying—and that counts.

We’re learning to slow down. To listen. To speak with intention. To respond instead of react. These are hard skills, even for adults. But they are part of how we embody the Seven Sacred Teachings in our everyday lives.

• Love: Making time for 1-on-1 connection.
• Respect: Listening to each child’s unique needs.
• Courage: Practicing communication even when it's hard.
• Honesty: Naming behaviors and patterns gently.
• Wisdom: Seeing the deeper needs beneath the behaviors.
• Humility: Acknowledging we’re still learning too.
• Truth: Staying rooted in our values as we grow.

Today was a good reminder that we don’t have to wait for a big vacation to feel joy, connection, and growth. Sometimes it’s the little days—the quiet ones—that hold the biggest lessons.

Valentine's Week: Holding Space for Anger, Hurt, and Growth

Valentine's Week: Holding Space for Anger, Hurt, and Growth

Date: February 13–14, 2022

Sunday was a mix of bonding and big emotions. I dyed Maddisen and Autumn’s hair with temporary color. They both loved it, and Autumn even let us take a picture, which is rare for her. She’s always been very sensitive to being recorded or photographed, so we’ve made sure to respect that. It felt like a win when she took a selfie and gave us permission to share it.

Monday started off okay. Autumn had a 2-hour delay at school, and she was excited to walk to school early and see her friends. But the day before, we’d had a long and hard talk after a rough moment. Autumn had told her mom to shut up in a text message. She was visibly upset after a call where her mom accused her of being a bad sister to Aurora. That hurt deeply because Autumn has been working so hard lately to be kind and connected to her sister. When her mom didn’t stop texting, Autumn reacted.

She told me what happened right away, and I took her phone until Nick got home. We sat together and had a long, thoughtful conversation about how to express difficult feelings without lashing out—even when the person you’re angry with has hurt you. Autumn said she doesn’t feel like her mom deserves kindness, and that broke my heart. She said she would never speak to even the meanest friend that way, but she felt like her mom deserved to be hurt. That kind of pain doesn’t come from nowhere. It comes from repeated invalidation and emotional injury.

She also asked us not to share any photos of her with her mom again. We honored that request.

After our talk, we agreed she could have her phone but no texting privileges for the rest of the day. She accepted the consequence and seemed relieved just to be heard.

Meanwhile, Katie continued sending aggressive and hostile messages, even threatening to keep Aurora from visits or call for wellness checks. It’s exhausting. These accusations that Autumn is a danger to Aurora have been discussed at length with Keryth, our in-home support. Keryth made it clear Aurora is not unsafe here, and that pulling her away would only increase the girls’ stress. But of course, with Keryth out of the office, all we can do is try to document and stay steady.

This is the part of parenting through trauma that no one talks about—the holding, the de-escalating, the balancing between protecting our kids and trying not to fall apart ourselves. These behaviors aren’t our children’s faults. They are doing the best they can in circumstances they didn’t ask for. We are too.

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Labels: Trauma-Informed Parenting, Co-Parenting Challenges, Protective Parenting, Emotional Regulation, Parent-Child Communication, Aurora, Autumn, February 2022

Valentine’s Prep, Hair Dye, and a Little More Trust

Valentine’s Prep, Hair Dye, and a Little More Trust

Posted: February 12, 2022

Last night I dyed Maddisen’s and Autumn’s hair with temporary color. It washes out in about 30 days. They absolutely loved it. Autumn usually avoids pictures and is terrified of being recorded, so we’ve been really respectful and letting her work through that at her own pace. Last night, she not only let us take a photo—she took a selfie and said we could share it.

This morning, Autumn slept in until about 10:00 AM, then joined us for breakfast and even helped Austin with a puzzle. She let us take another photo too, which was such a huge deal!

After that, she cleaned her room, did her laundry, and told us that she finished all her missing assignments for the semester. She still struggles when asked directly to do something—she says it makes her feel angry and resistant—so we’ve been shifting our approach, rephrasing how we ask things, and working on rebuilding her trust with adults.

Around 3:00 PM, she came down for lunch. I called Aurora to check in, and she was home alone but doing okay—happy, calm, and confident.

Autumn did her daily chore, and then the two of us went to Walmart around 5:30 to pick up a few small things for Valentine’s Day—for her and the little kids. After shopping, we stopped at her mom’s to help Kay Kay and Maliyah, who were sleeping over. We were home by 8:30. Autumn asked to play video games, so we gave her the okay until 10:30 PM. She went to bed without any issues.

Here are the photos she said we could share:
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Looking Back: What Set Everything Off?

Looking Back: What Set Everything Off?

Date: February 11, 2022

Nick and I have been doing a ton of thinking about a good question Keryth asked us: "What do you think triggered all of this escalation?" And after sitting with it for a while, we realized that there were two big things that stood out.

First, the girls hadn’t really spent much time at their mom’s house during the summer or the months of October through December. There was always some reason or excuse, and they ended up being at our house more often. That in itself seemed to shift things.

Second, we started noticing real changes when Autumn got her first boyfriend. Katie wasn’t happy about it. She said things like “It’s not a real boyfriend if I’ve never met him” and told Autumn she was too young. She even told us, but not Autumn directly, that she thought Autumn was emotionally immature and that the boy probably wasn’t even really into her—he was just being nice.

What’s more, since New Year’s we haven’t heard a word about Katie’s own boyfriend. When we asked Autumn if they were still together, she said no—Katie told her they broke up because she can’t have kids. And that seemed to match the pattern we’ve seen in the past. Whenever Katie goes through a breakup, the intensity ramps up. The jealousy, the hostility, and the negative talk all get worse.

We also found out from the school adjustment counselor today that Aurora made a comment about wishing she was hit by a truck or a bus. That hit hard. This kind of emotional weight is not something a child should have to carry.

Katie also sent us a flurry of hostile messages today. And what’s hard is that sometimes, buried under the criticism and condescension, she brings up things that actually do matter. But no matter how we respond—whether we apologize, offer a resolution, or try to de-escalate—she keeps attacking. It’s exhausting.

Autumn, meanwhile, was awesome today. She got all her schoolwork done (or at least says she did—we’re going to double-check tomorrow just to be sure). She jumped into her chores right after school, cleaned her room, played Fortnite for about two hours, then curled up for movie night and fell asleep around 10:00. We also made a plan to go through her bag tomorrow and review anything she might have missed while out for the dentist and PT.

It’s important to say again: these behaviors are not the kids’ fault. They are doing the best they can in a difficult and unpredictable situation. And while we work to keep things steady here, it’s hard to parent in the middle of so much ongoing trauma—especially when nobody seems to want to help.

Friday Reflections: Navigating Appointments, Expectations, and Emotional Recovery

Friday Reflections: Navigating Appointments, Expectations, and Emotional Recovery

Friday was a full day. Autumn was excited about her dentist appointment that morning—she looked forward to the laughing gas again. Even though she was missing school, she made sure to spend time on her group project beforehand, doing extra work and sending her friends an update on what she had done.

I brought Autumn and Austin to the dentist so Nick could attend his parenting meeting. He was also really sore and tired from a vaccine he received the day before. Both kids did great during the appointment. Autumn was a bit nervous, but she pushed through. They only addressed two of her cavities, so we scheduled another appointment for March 4th. The dentist said that once her cavities are taken care of, we could consider an orthodontic consult for braces if we're interested.

After the appointment, I grabbed them a treat at McDonald's for doing well, dropped Austin off at 1:30, and then brought Autumn to physical therapy. When we arrived, I was informed that Autumn’s mom had called ahead and said I wasn't allowed to attend. I wasn’t given a choice—just told I couldn’t go in. So I stayed outside and let Autumn go in on her own. She was really upset and felt like her mom was just trying to create more issues.

Later in the evening, Autumn’s mouth and ankles were sore. Nick was completely wiped out from his vaccine, so I managed most of the evening solo while he rested. Even with all that, Autumn finished her two overdue math assignments and submitted the others due in Google Classroom. She should be caught up for the semester.

She did get a low grade on a math quiz the day before, and we agreed that next time, she’ll study with us to prepare.

That night, Autumn lost her device privileges after dinner because she went on her computer to talk with friends before finishing her room. We explained the consequence clearly: no devices for the night and until her responsibilities were completed the next day.

Over the last 24 hours, we tried to talk to Autumn about her mom’s text messages. She told us she was too angry to respond and didn’t want to say something rude. She just needed space. She also said she was tired of talking about it and wanted to take a break. So we made a deal—if she watched Encanto with us, we’d take the weekend off from any stressful conversations. Just calm, just connection.

Sometimes, parenting through this level of trauma and unpredictability feels impossible. But days like today remind me that we are growing, healing, and learning together.

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Labels: co-parenting, trauma recovery, parenting teens, dental visit, blended family, emotional regulation, school support, therapy barriers, parenting through conflict