Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Balancing Traditions, Plans, and Peace

Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Balancing Traditions, Plans, and Peace

The holiday season can be a beautiful and emotional time—especially for families navigating co-parenting. In this post, I share how my family honors old traditions while embracing new ones, how we’ve created clear holiday plans that reduce stress, and how cultural roots can help anchor us through seasonal shifts. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Yule, or both, here’s a glimpse into how we’re making the holidays meaningful, calm, and full of love.

---

The Importance of Traditions

Traditions are the heartbeat of the holiday season. They create consistency and joy, grounding children in a sense of stability and wonder. For my family, Christmas Eve has always been the highlight of the holidays. Growing up, we celebrated with family gatherings, where laughter, gifts, and anticipation filled the air. Adults exchanged presents, and children marveled at the magic of Santa Claus. Christmas Day was quieter—a time for relaxing, enjoying new toys, and spending time together.

As a parent, I’ve carried these traditions forward. Every year, my children and I celebrate Christmas Eve together. They know they’ll wake up on Christmas morning in their own beds, open their stockings, and enjoy breakfast together before heading to their dad’s at 10:00 a.m. for the rest of the day. This predictable schedule has been our tradition for years, minimizing stress for everyone, especially the kids.

The Power of a Concrete Holiday Plan

Having a clear, consistent holiday plan is essential in co-parenting. Children thrive on stability, especially during emotionally charged times like the holidays. A structured plan ensures everyone knows what to expect, reducing confusion and potential conflicts.

In contrast, when there’s no concrete plan, it can create unnecessary stress for everyone involved. My youngest son’s father and his ex, for example, didn’t have a solid Christmas arrangement this year, leading to a lot of last-minute coordination. While they ultimately worked it out, the process was far more chaotic than it needed to be. Thankfully, my son still had the opportunity to spend time with his father and his two sisters—one who lives in a group home and one who mostly stays with her mom.

Balancing Old and New Traditions

Holidays are not only about maintaining old traditions but also about embracing new ones. For me, this has meant blending the Christmas celebrations I grew up with and reclaiming my Mi’kmaq and Scottish pagan roots.

Growing up in a Christian household, Christmas Eve was always a big event. My parents and grandmother emphasized family gatherings, faith, and joy. While I cherish those memories, I’ve also made space for cultural practices that honor my heritage. Simple rituals, like lighting candles to mark the season or taking time to reflect on the cycles of nature, add a deeper layer of meaning to the holidays. It’s a way of connecting with my ancestors and teaching my children the importance of our roots.

As family dynamics have shifted, our celebrations have also evolved. Many of my relatives have moved to Canada, and some relationships have become strained. This year, Christmas Eve was quieter—it was just me and my kids. While I miss the hustle and bustle of big family parties, I’ve found peace in the simplicity of creating a calm and intentional evening.

We focused on small, meaningful activities, like decorating cookies, reading holiday stories, and enjoying each other’s company. Without the stress of hosting or navigating large groups, the night felt magical in its own way. It also made things easier for my boys, who sometimes experience sensory issues. Being at home meant that if they became overstimulated, we could manage it comfortably, without the pressure of being in an unfamiliar or overwhelming environment.

Minimizing Back-and-Forth During the Holidays

One of the most stressful aspects of co-parenting during the holidays can be the constant back-and-forth. A clear plan helps minimize disruptions and ensures the kids feel secure and supported.

For my older three children, the plan is simple and consistent. They spend Christmas Eve and morning with me, then leave at 10:15 to spend the day with their dad and his family. This has been our tradition for years, and it works beautifully. The kids know what to expect, and there’s no last-minute scrambling or confusion.

Finding Joy in the Present

While I cherish the traditions of my past, I’ve also learned to embrace the beauty of creating new ones. Balancing old and new traditions has allowed me to weave together the threads of my heritage and the realities of my life today. Whether it’s celebrating Christmas Eve with a quiet night at home or incorporating cultural practices that honor my roots, the focus is always on love, connection, and creating a joyful experience for my children.

Co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to be a source of stress. With open communication, a solid plan, and a focus on meaningful traditions, families can create a holiday season filled with peace and joy. It’s not about how much time is spent or how many presents are exchanged—it’s about the moments of togetherness that your children will carry with them for years to come.

---

Wela'lioq for sharing this space with me. May your holidays bring peace, presence, and a little bit of magic, no matter what form they take.

When Everything That Can Go Wrong, Does: A Christmas Yule Blog

12/25/2024

When Everything That Can Go Wrong, Does:

A Christmas Yule Blog

This holiday season has felt like a rollercoaster of unexpected challenges. If the saying “what can go wrong, will go wrong” could sum up a single Christmas, it would be this one. Yet, despite the setbacks and stress, moments of gratitude and connection still managed to shine through.

Struggling to Make Christmas Happen

With the lack of a steady job this year, I found myself struggling to afford presents. It’s not easy as a parent to feel like you might fall short for your kids during the holidays. But this year, I was overwhelmed by the kindness of others. The support from the school, community members, and even some family helped ensure that gifts found their way under the tree. For that, I’m deeply grateful.

One bright spot amidst the chaos was reconnecting with my dad after over a decade of estrangement. Building that bridge during the holidays was a gift in itself. But even that wasn’t without its share of stress.

Financial Challenges and Frozen Pipes

Just as I was catching my breath, my paid family medical leave check went missing. Rent was looming, and I felt the weight of uncertainty hanging over me. Thankfully, after what felt like endless phone calls and waiting, the issue was resolved, and I’ll finally have the funds deposited tomorrow.

Then came Monday’s surprise—no running water. The landlord discovered that the basement pipes had frozen, and eventually, they burst. While it was incredibly stressful, I truly appreciated the landlord’s persistence in solving the problem. By Christmas Eve at 11:00 a.m., we had water again, just in time to make the holiday feel a bit more manageable.

High Conflict Co-Parenting and Hard Choices

Navigating co-parenting dynamics can feel like walking a tightrope, especially during the holidays. Volunteering at the American Legion’s veterans Christmas party should have been a heartwarming experience, and in many ways, it was. I loved helping out with the kids’ games—Christmas bingo, singing carols, and trivia. But because of tensions with my sister, things felt awkward, and as I left, I was blindsided by a false accusation of drunk driving with my kids in the car. While I was relieved to clear things up with the police, the experience added another layer of stress, especially since I suspect my sister made the call.

The most difficult part, though, was navigating the complex dynamics with Nick and his co-parenting agreement involving Aurora. In an effort to respect boundaries, I removed my name from all the gifts and planned to avoid seeing Aurora altogether. But when Katie delayed the exchange, it created a last-minute scramble. In the end, Aurora and I crossed paths briefly as I helped Nick get the car ready, which put me in an incredibly uncomfortable position. Balancing respect for co-parenting agreements with the realities of unpredictable schedules is a constant challenge, and it’s something I’m still learning to navigate.

The Bright Spot: The Kids Together

Amid the chaos, one thing went right: all of the kids had a chance to see each other and celebrate together. Austin, Aurora, and Autumn shared a visit at the group home, and even though the lead-up was stressful, those hours were filled with joy. They laughed, opened presents, and even video-chatted with their siblings to say Merry Christmas. For that brief window of time, everything felt right.

Finding Peace in the Chaos

This Christmas reminded me that no matter how much we try to plan, life can throw curveballs. From financial struggles to family drama and logistical nightmares, it felt like I was constantly putting out fires. But despite it all, there were moments of gratitude, kindness, and joy.

The truth is, the holidays aren’t about perfection. They’re about finding those small, meaningful moments of connection and love—whether it’s watching your kids laugh over a silly gift, helping others at a holiday event, or knowing that despite all the challenges, your family is still standing together.

This Yule, I’m choosing to focus on those moments of joy. Because even when everything seems to go wrong, there’s always something to be grateful for.

The Struggles of Being Autistic: A Journey of Misunderstanding and Resilience

12/6/2024

The Struggles of Being Autistic: A Journey of Misunderstanding and Resilience

Growing up undiagnosed as autistic was like navigating a maze without a map. Instead of an autism diagnosis, I received labels like pervasive social disorder, social anxiety, dyslexia, and ADHD. While these diagnoses provided some insight, they didn’t capture the full picture of what I was experiencing. The support I received in school was minimal—mostly focused on reading and writing for a few years and encouraging my mom to enroll me in an after-school program. That was it.

Early Struggles in School

Looking back, the signs were there from the beginning. In kindergarten, I was labeled “sensitive” because I cried often and couldn’t express what was upsetting me. If a child cut me in line or I wasn’t allowed to play with pattern blocks—my favorite activity—I would go silent and cry. My teacher often asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t find the words to explain my frustration. This led to their anger or impatience, which only made me withdraw further.

Socializing was another constant challenge. Pretend play irritated me, and I couldn’t understand why the other kids loved it so much. I just wanted to build and explore patterns with blocks, but my preference was often denied, leaving me overwhelmed and silent.

In third and fourth grade, I was placed in a transitional class where my struggles with dyslexia (or what would now be considered dysgraphia) became obvious. While I excelled at memorizing words, I struggled with phonics and spelling. My teachers wanted me to learn the “right way” to read, but that method didn’t work for me. Memorizing patterns in language was my way of navigating a system that felt nonsensical. Their insistence on phonics made me despise English for years.

Feeling Out of Place

I also struggled with friendships and social interactions. I didn’t understand the unwritten rules of relationships. I thought being polite and responding when spoken to was enough. I didn’t realize until my late teens—thanks to online resources—that relationships require initiating conversations and maintaining them actively. By then, the damage was done. My inability to connect on a “normal” level left me feeling isolated and unwanted for most of my childhood.

As a child, I followed rules obsessively. This made me a target for ridicule, often branded as a tattletale. I couldn’t understand why people disliked me for doing what I thought was right. This hyper-focus on rules and justice carried into adulthood, where it still sometimes alienates me socially.

The Adult Reality of Autism

Even now, being autistic in a world that doesn’t understand is exhausting. Maintaining friendships feels impossible at times. Socializing drains me, but isolation is equally painful. I frequently miss social cues and worry that people see me as awkward or too blunt. My strong sense of justice often sets me apart, as I advocate for causes and beliefs with a passion others may find overwhelming.

What frustrates me most is the superficial nature of autism advocacy. People will proudly display blue lights in their windows, share puzzle-piece symbols, or praise the blue trick-or-treat buckets. Yet, when it comes to understanding or accommodating autistic adults, the support often disappears. The patience, time, and energy needed to truly connect with autistic individuals are rarely offered. This disconnect leaves many of us feeling unseen and unsupported.

A Call for Authentic Understanding

Autism is not just a childhood condition—it’s a lifelong experience. My journey has been one of misunderstanding, frustration, and resilience. I’ve had to navigate the world on my terms, often without the support or understanding I needed. Advocacy must extend beyond symbols and social media posts. It requires real effort to listen, learn, and adapt to the needs of autistic individuals.

For those willing to go beyond the surface, the reward is immense. We have unique perspectives, unwavering honesty, and a deep capacity for connection—if given the chance. It’s time to move from superficial advocacy to genuine inclusion and understanding.

This is my story, and I hope it resonates with others who have felt unseen in their autism journey. Together, we can create a world where differences are not just tolerated but celebrated.

Insights into Indigenous Perspectives on Healing and Connection

Insights into Indigenous Perspectives on Healing and Connection

🪶 Healing and connection are at the heart of Indigenous cultures, including Mi’kmaq traditions. Rooted in a deep respect for Mother Earth, the Great Spirit, and the interconnectedness of all living beings, Mi’kmaq spirituality offers a holistic perspective on healing—not just as individuals, but as families and communities.

These values create a strong foundation for overcoming trauma, fostering resilience, and building deeper connections. Here's what we can all learn from these sacred teachings:

1. Healing Begins with the Land

For the Mi’kmaq, the land is more than a resource—it’s a teacher, a healer, and a spiritual guide. Every tree, river, rock, and animal holds spirit and wisdom.

🌱 Lessons for Healing:

• Spend time in nature to reconnect and ground yourself.

• Practice gratitude for the Earth—say a quiet “thank you” when you walk outside.

• Honor the land through rituals like smudging, offering tobacco, or simply sitting with intention in natural spaces.

🧡 “When we root our healing in the land, we ground ourselves in something greater than our individual pain.”

2. Connection & Community

In Mi’kmaq culture, connection is everything—connection to family, community, ancestors, and the Great Spirit. Trauma disconnects; healing reconnects. 

& Community is central to Indigenous healing. But today’s world often pulls us toward individualism, leaving many isolated.

👣 Ways to Rebuild Connection:

• With Family: Share stories, create safe spaces for open dialogue. My grandmother’s stories as a Day School survivor have helped me understand our resilience. Her stories about ghost and huntings helped me understand fund any mystory.
  

  Understand that healing isn’t linear—it’s a spiral path of learning and unlearning.

• With Community: Attend feasts, ceremonies, or cultural events. Healing is communal.We all strive and need to feel like we belong and have purpose. 
  

  • Seek or create community spaces: parenting circles, cultural groups, or healing circles.

• With Ancestors: Learn your language, songs, and traditions. Remember, our ancesters always are walking with us. You are never alone and you have purpose. 
  

  • Choose connection over convenience—prioritize real relationships over social media algorithms.

3. Language as a Bridge to Healing

The Mi’kmaq language is deeply rooted in lived experience. It’s not just about communication—it’s about identity, connection, and place.

🗣️ Why Language Matters:

• Reclaiming Indigenous language helps restore cultural pride and intergenerational connection.

• Every word spoken in Mi’kmaq is a reclaiming of space and self. Its an act of resillance and resistance. 

For me, learning about my name—Tashena, meaning “Her Shawl” or “Little Star Sitting by the River”—has been a source of healing, grounding me in both spirit and ancestry

4. Breaking Cycles of Trauma

Intergenerational trauma affects many Indigenous families—including my own. But we carry more than trauma—we also carry resilience and wisdom.

🔄 Ways to Break the Cycle:

• Reflect on inherited patterns—and choose different ones.

• Practice and teach the Seven Sacred Teachings:
  💖 Love
  🌊 Honesty
  🌞 Truth
  🌱 Humility
  🪶 Respect
  🦅 Courage
  🐢 Wisdom

• It is ok to be open about your healing—it gives others permission to begin theirs.

5. Ceremony & Creativity as Medicine

Mi’kmaq healing includes music, ceremony, and art as ways to process emotions and restore balance.

🎨 Healing Through Creativity:

• Use music, dance, storytelling, and art to express what words can’t.

• Participate in ceremonies when possible—or create new ones rooted in love and intention.

• Involve your children. Create moments of beauty and tradition they’ll carry with them.

Storytelling has been one of my greatest healing tools—and I believe it's how we pass down strength and hope.

6. Moving Forward Together

Healing is hard. But you’re not alone. Connection, culture, and spirit walk with you.

🌍 As We Walk Forward:

• Let’s honor our traditions and ancestors.

• Let’s support each other in breaking cycles.

• Let’s choose a future that’s rooted in balance, compassion, and community.

🌿 “Healing is not just about mending what was broken. It’s about remembering what was sacred.”

---

7. Final Thoughts

By embracing these Mi’kmaq teachings, we can:

• Heal our spirits

• Strengthen our families

• Rebuild our communities

• And walk forward with intention

Let this be a guide. Let this be a spark. Let us continue the healing journey—together.

---

Wela’lioq na teliula’lin,
—Tashena

The Power of Connection:Building Communities of Support for Parents and Families

   As someone whose journey with mental health has been transformative, I deeply understand the importance of connection. Life before recovery often felt overwhelming—chaotic, heavy, and isolating. Finding peace and a sense of normalcy wasn’t just a relief; it was life-changing. Through my own struggles, I’ve learned that no one should have to face their challenges alone, and this belief forms the foundation of my passion for supporting others.

The Weight of Isolation

Parenting is a profoundly rewarding but deeply challenging journey. For many, it can also be isolating. It’s easy to feel alone in the struggles, especially when society often glorifies perfection and resilience without showing the messiness behind it all. But the truth is, parenting is messy. It’s full of highs and lows, successes and mistakes, moments of joy, and times of deep doubt.

As a Mi’kmaq woman and a parent myself, I understand the additional complexities that cultural and personal histories can bring into the parenting experience. Generational trauma, advocacy work, and navigating the intersections of identity within Indigenous and queer communities often add layers to the challenges we face.

I’ve seen firsthand the power of connection in breaking through these barriers. Whether it’s through peer support groups, cultural teachings, or one-on-one conversations, sharing experiences with others who “get it” is an essential part of healing and growth.

Breaking Cycles Through Connection

My recovery journey has empowered me to break intergenerational cycles of poor mental health. I’ve learned to recognize old patterns and reach for help when I see myself slipping, but this didn’t happen in isolation. Therapy, cultural reconnection, and the support of people who truly understood my experiences made all the difference.

In my work, I’ve carried this forward by helping parents recognize their own potential for change. One of the most powerful tools I use is my willingness to share my story openly. When I tell parents that I, too, have struggled—with yelling, with unintentional harm, with not understanding my children—they are more open to hearing how they can grow and change. They don’t feel judged because they see that I’ve been there.

This is especially important when working with parents whose children are struggling with mental health challenges. As someone who was once a scared, misunderstood child, I can validate their children’s feelings in a way that resonates. I remind parents that their kids aren’t being manipulative—they’re expressing unmet needs. And when parents understand that, they are more willing to listen, connect, and heal.

Peer Support: A Lifeline for Change

Peer support has been one of the most effective tools in my life and work. Whether it’s helping my younger brother navigate his own mental health challenges, supporting parents through my coaching work, or simply sending messages to remind someone they’re not alone, peer support is powerful. It builds trust, creates safe spaces, and helps people see that change is possible.

One of the most impactful stories I’ve experienced was with my brother, who once struggled with substance use and feelings of hopelessness. Through our conversations, he saw that change was not only possible but worth pursuing. Today, he is sober and thriving, and he credits our connection as a key part of his journey.

The Role of Culture and Community

In my own recovery, reconnecting with my Mi’kmaq culture has been a guiding force. The Seven Sacred Teachings—Love, Respect, Courage, Honesty, Wisdom, Humility, and Truth—have provided me with a framework for healing and growth. These teachings have not only helped me find balance in my personal life but have also informed my approach to parent coaching.

I firmly believe that building community is essential for parents. Whether it’s creating opportunities for parents to connect through support groups, sharing cultural wisdom, or simply reminding someone that they’re not alone, these moments of connection create ripples of positive change.

Moving Forward Together

Parenting is not something we’re meant to do alone. When we isolate ourselves, we miss out on the wisdom, support, and encouragement that others can offer. By building communities of connection, we can create healthier families and stronger, more resilient individuals.

If there’s one thing I hope to achieve in my work, it’s to remind parents that there is always hope. Growth is not always linear, but it is always possible. Through connection, compassion, and shared stories, we can empower each other to be the best versions of ourselves—for our children, for our families, and for future generations.

Let’s build those bridges together, because no one should ever have to parent—or heal—alone.

Overcoming Obstacles in Parenting: Navigating Mental Health, Breaking Cycles, and Embracing Growth

Parenting, even in the best of circumstances, is a deeply challenging and rewarding journey. But for parents grappling with mental health struggles—or raising a child facing similar challenges—it can often feel overwhelming. Add the weight of intergenerational trauma or unhealthy parenting methods, and the path to healthy, effective parenting may seem insurmountable. Yet, the truth is that change is possible, and growth is always within reach.

Let’s dive into how we can overcome these obstacles and create a healthier, more compassionate future for our families.

1.  Recognizing and Acknowledging the Challenges

1. The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to name it. When you have mental health struggles as a parent, or your child does, it’s easy to internalize shame, guilt, or frustration. Similarly, when intergenerational trauma or unhealthy parenting methods have shaped your experiences, it can be difficult to imagine doing things differently.

2. Here’s the truth: acknowledging these struggles is not a sign of weakness—it’s a profound act of strength. By naming what we face, we take the first step toward addressing it. Some of these challenges might include:

1. Parenting with anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions.

2. Navigating the emotional needs of a child with mental health struggles.

3. Breaking free from patterns of unhealthy discipline or communication inherited from your upbringing.

2. Understanding the Impact of Intergenerational Trauma

1. Intergenerational trauma affects families in subtle but profound ways. For example:

1. A parent who grew up in an environment of yelling or spanking may find themselves resorting to similar methods, even when they know better.

2. A history of unspoken pain in a family may create an environment where children feel emotionally isolated or invalidated.

3. Understanding that these behaviors and patterns often stem from trauma can help shift the perspective from guilt to accountability. It’s not your fault if these patterns were handed down to you—but it is your responsibility to break the cycle.

2. How to Start Breaking the Cycle:

1. Reflect on your own childhood and identify patterns or behaviors you don’t want to replicate.

2. Educate yourself on trauma-informed parenting strategies that prioritize connection over control.

3. Seek resources like therapy or support groups that focus on intergenerational healing.

3. Overcoming Mental Health Struggles as a Parent

1. If you’re a parent living with mental health challenges, it’s important to recognize that your well-being matters just as much as your child’s. It’s not selfish to prioritize your mental health—it’s essential.

2. Practical Steps for Managing Parenting with Mental Health Struggles:

1. Create a Support System: Lean on trusted friends, family, or peer support networks. If possible, work with a therapist who understands your unique needs.

2. Establish Routines: Predictable routines provide stability for both you and your children, reducing stress and emotional overwhelm.

3. Be Honest (to an Age-Appropriate Level): It’s okay to let your children know when you’re having a tough day. Modeling emotional regulation and self-care can teach them resilience.

4. Set Boundaries: Protect your energy by saying no to things that drain you unnecessarily. Focus on what’s most important for your family.

4. Supporting a Child with Mental Health Challenges

1. Parenting a child with mental health struggles often comes with its own set of hurdles. Whether your child is dealing with anxiety, depression, or behavioral challenges, it’s important to approach the situation with compassion and a willingness to learn.

2. Strategies for Supporting Your Child:

1. Learn About Their Condition: Knowledge is power. Understanding your child’s mental health can help you better support them and advocate for their needs.

2. Validate Their Emotions: Even when their struggles seem irrational, validating their feelings builds trust and emotional safety.

3. Focus on Connection, Not Control: When children feel connected and understood, they are more likely to open up and work with you rather than resist.

4. Work with Professionals: Collaborate with therapists, counselors, or teachers to create a supportive network for your child.

5. Embracing Healthier Parenting Methods

1. Breaking away from unhealthy parenting methods, like yelling, spanking, or shaming, can be difficult—especially if those were the methods you grew up with. The key is to replace those old patterns with new, constructive tools.

2. Active Parenting Principles to Embrace:

1. Encourage Cooperation: Work with your child as a team rather than imposing rigid control. Use active communication techniques like listening, validating, and guiding.

3. Use Natural Consequences: Instead of punitive discipline, let children learn from the natural outcomes of their actions.

4. Set Clear Boundaries: Boundaries teach children responsibility and respect, but they should always be communicated with love and empathy.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Parenting is a learning process. Mistakes are inevitable—what matters is how you respond and grow from them.

6. Seeking Help and Building Community

1. One of the most important things to remember is that you don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s attending a parenting class, joining a support group, or working with a therapist, there are resources available to help you.

2. Why Community Matters:

1. It normalizes your experiences and reduces feelings of isolation.

2. It provides practical advice and strategies from others who’ve been in your shoes.

3. it fosters a sense of connection and hope.

3. If you’re struggling to find support, consider reaching out to local organizations, Indigenous community groups, or online resources dedicated to parents navigating these challenges.

7. Moving Forward: A Message of Hope

1. Parenting through mental health struggles, intergenerational trauma, or unhealthy patterns is undoubtedly difficult—but it’s not impossible. By taking small, intentional steps, you can create a brighter future for your family. Every moment you choose connection over control, love over fear, and healing over hurt, you are rewriting your family’s story.

2. Remember, the process of overcoming these obstacles is not about perfection—it’s about progress. You don’t have to have all the answers today. What matters is your commitment to growth and your willingness to try. Your efforts are enough, and your family will benefit from your courage and love.

Let’s keep breaking cycles together, one step at a time.

Healing Through Connection: Embracing Culture and Finding Meaning in My Name

Healing Through Connection: Embracing Culture and Finding Meaning in My Name

Healing is often a journey of finding connection—connection to ourselves, to others, and to something greater. For me, this connection came through embracing my Mi’kmaq culture and discovering the meaning behind my name. While my childhood had its share of challenges, including growing up with parents who struggled with alcoholism and their eventual divorce, I’ve learned to release resentment and find peace through cultural understanding and self-reflection.

Understanding My Name: A Gateway to Healing

My parents named me Tashena after an “Indian princess” they saw in a movie. At the time, our family knew little about our Mi’kmaq heritage, largely due to the devastating impact of residential schools, which stripped many Indigenous families of their cultural knowledge. Yet my grandmother, an Indian Day School survivor, gifted me something invaluable—a story that anchored me in my identity.

She told me my name means “Little Star Sitting by the River”, a humble symbol of leadership. Years later, when I researched this meaning, I discovered she was right—my name carries this beautiful meaning within one Indigenous tradition. This revelation filled me with pride and connection. My name was more than just a label—it was a reflection of who I could become and the values I could embody.

Forgiveness and Cultural Connection

Growing up, I witnessed firsthand the effects of alcoholism on my parents and our family. As I've grown older, however, I've learned not to anchor myself to resentment. My parents, like so many others, carried their own burdens and traumas that influenced their struggles with addiction.

Mi’kmaq teachings emphasize love, humility, and respect—values that helped shift my perspective. Rather than holding onto anger, I’ve chosen compassion and understanding. My cultural connection has taught me that healing isn't simply about letting go; it’s about transforming pain into wisdom and strength.

The Role of Culture in Healing

The Mi’kmaq worldview emphasizes that all things are interconnected. Everything has spirit—people, animals, the land, even inanimate objects—and these spirits exist together in mutual respect and care. This profound perspective guides my healing journey.

Through reconnecting with Mi’kmaq traditions, I’ve come to see myself as part of something much larger. My struggles aren't isolated; they are shared collective experiences carried by my ancestors and community. This understanding gives me strength, purpose, and the comforting knowledge that I am never alone.

Finding Balance Through My Name

“Little Star Sitting by the River” embodies humility, leadership, and connection. For me, it’s a reminder to remain grounded while still striving to make a meaningful difference. My name encourages me to lead with compassion, not control; to embrace humility over pride; and to seek connection rather than division.

This balance is particularly important as I navigate parenthood. As I strive to break cycles of intergenerational trauma, reflecting on my name reminds me to approach parenting with patience, understanding, and awareness—that each child has their unique spirit and path.

Releasing Resentment: A Path Forward

One of the most powerful lessons from my Mi’kmaq heritage is forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm or forgetting pain. Rather, it means choosing not to allow anger and bitterness to define my journey. By forgiving my parents, I've freed myself from the weight of their struggles. It doesn’t erase the challenges I faced, but it allows me to center my own healing and growth.

The Power of Cultural Identity

For many Indigenous people, reclaiming cultural identity is vital to healing. Colonization and residential schools sought to erase our traditions, languages, and values, disconnecting generations from their roots. Reconnecting with our identity becomes an act of resilience and resistance.

In my life, this reconnection involves embracing Mi’kmaq teachings, honoring ancestral wisdom, and sharing these invaluable lessons with my children. It's about building bridges between past and future, ensuring the next generation carries forward our values of respect, humility, and interconnectedness.

Moving Forward with Purpose

Today, I see my name not just as a reflection of who I am but as guidance for who I aspire to become. It reminds me to lead with humility, honor my connections to land and community, and embrace healing as a lifelong journey.

Despite a challenging childhood, my cultural identity has been a powerful source of strength and resilience. It has taught me that even amidst trauma, we can transform our pain into purpose. By reconnecting with my Mi’kmaq roots, I've found belonging and direction that guides all aspects of my life.

Closing Reflections

Healing is rarely a straight path—it's a winding journey filled with challenges and discoveries. For me, embracing my Mi’kmaq culture and finding meaning in my name have been transformative. They've helped me release resentment, build deeper connections, and move forward with clarity and purpose.

To anyone on their own healing journey, I encourage you to look to your roots. Whether through cultural traditions, family stories, or personal reflection, understanding where you come from holds profound power. In that understanding lies the strength to heal, to lead, and to create brighter futures for ourselves and those who come after us.

Wela’lioq na teliula’lin,
Tashena

Sacred Sundays: The Power of a Name

Sacred Sundays: The Power of a Name

Posted by Tashena | This was a "speach" or "lecture" I gave one Sunday during a sharing circle. 

Wela’lioq wejiksituwa’l. I cannot express the amount of gratitude I feel being here today, sharing this space, this voice, and these teachings.

Today, I want to begin by sharing a little about me—and in doing so, I hope to encourage you to reflect on who you are.

My Name is Tashena

I am Mi’kmaq. I am a mother. I am a speaker, a healer, a learner, and a believer in two-eyed seeing—a Mi’kmaq concept that means being gifted with the ability to see from multiple perspectives. It's beautiful… and sometimes exhausting. But mostly, it’s a blessing.

This gift is what brought me here—to stand before you and speak about healing, peace, and community. We can’t undo the past harm done to First Nations people. We cannot rewind time. But we can heal. We can learn. And we can reconnect—to our ancestors, to Mother Earth, to one another, and to the Great Creator.

What’s in a Name?

Names have always mattered in almost all cultures, Even In the Bible, names are sacred and tied to purpose. 

“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches…” — Proverbs 22:1

The Hebrew word for name (sheem) carries implications of honor, authority, character, and individuality. A name isn't just a label—it’s a legacy.

My own name, Tashena, carries many meanings:
– My grandmother told me it meant “Little Star Sitting by the River.”
– In Cheyenne, it means “Her Shawl”—a good dancer.
– In Mi’kmaq, Her Shawl is a symbol of protection.

And I’ve always felt that truth deeply. Even as a quiet, shy child, I was never afraid to stand up for someone else. I’ve spoken out for my children, my community, and for what’s right—through my work with Small Town Pride, the Rural Justice Network, and efforts like changing harmful mascots. Protection is part of my path.

We Are Turtle Island

I am Mi’kmaq—one of the many First Nations of Turtle Island (what we call all of North and Central America). The Mi’kmaq people are part of the Wabanaki Confederacy, whose homelands stretch from Northern Canada into what’s now called Massachusetts. We share much in common with the local Nipmuc people here.

Naming My Children with Intention

I wanted my children’s names to have meaning too. Here’s how I chose:

• Andrew: Strong, courageous, manly. My oldest, born when I was a teen, who needed all the strength I could pour into him.
• Maddisen: Gift from the Creator. Born with Turner syndrome—a 1-in-2500 chance—and my miracle baby.
• Raymond: To protect and advise. Named after my grandfather, and lives his name by offering advice and fiercely protecting his siblings.
• Austin: Majestic, magnificent, great. My youngest, born when I could finally imagine peace and light again. He lives with joy and reminds us all to have fun.

Finding the Meaning in Your Own Name

Names matter. Look yours up. Ask your family why they chose it. Reflect: Does your name reflect who you are?

In many Indigenous cultures, naming ceremonies are sacred. In Wabanaki territory, these often happen during summer gatherings, guided by clan mothers who may help you receive a spiritual name.

Your spirit name is said to be half your healing—it tells you where you come from, where you belong, and where you're going. It reminds you who you are.

Names, Judgment & Identity

Our names shape how others see us, too. Body language, tone, and even a name can carry so much weight. Think about how we judge names like “Karen” or “Chad.” The question isn’t whether we judge—it’s how and why we judge that matters.

A Final Reflection

Thank you for being here with me today. May you find strength in your name and your path. If you don’t yet know the story behind your name, I hope you’re inspired to seek it. Maybe it will lead you home to yourself.

Wela’lioq wejiksituwa’l. Teliuljin Tashena.