When There Are No Easy Answers: The Gaps in Protecting Children

When There Are No Easy Answers: The Gaps in Protecting Children

Published on April 21, 2025

Austin helped me with a protection
spell. He didn't even ask why just helped. 
Elmo is symbolizing Aurora 

Some days, it feels like we’re all just trying to patch holes in a sinking ship—with duct tape, bare hands, and whispered prayers. I’m writing this not just as a caregiver or advocate, but as someone who is deeply tired of watching kids fall through the cracks. Of watching systems meant to protect them crumble under red tape and hesitation.

Because what happens when the abuse isn’t bruises and broken bones? What happens when the trauma is emotional, subtle, manipulative? What happens when a child speaks—and nothing changes?

Today I got one of those calls.

Nick texted me first. Aurora had a really bad weekend. I asked if Aurora wanted to talk to me or if there's anything I could do to help.  The answer was “yes”—without hesitation. And I heard her voice for the first time in weeks. That alone shattered me. Because even after everything, when she’s scared, she comes to me. That means something. That means everything.

She told me about the fire—how her mom, angry again, burned her art supplies, her stuffed animals (Even the ones from her grandfather who has passed), even her bedding, and her pillow so she has no pillows.  She had to watch. She had no choice. Watching someone destroy the things you love, the pieces of comfort and safety you hold onto as a child... it’s a violence that leaves no visible scars, but carves deep ones inside. And the fact that she has to go back tomorrow, like nothing happened, makes me feel so helpless.

Children deserve better than this. They deserve safety that isn’t conditional. They deserve protection that doesn’t come with disclaimers. They deserve to be heard, believed, and cared for by every adult in their life—including the systems that claim to exist for them.

But right now, those systems? They’re full of holes. DCF is stretched thin. Workers are burnt out. Services are inconsistent. Accountability is rare. And trauma-informed, consistent care is often just a buzzword, not a reality.

We need more. We need better.

We need crisis-level responses that don’t just remove kids from danger but support families before it escalates that far. We need intensive home-based therapies that step in when the warning signs show up, not just when the damage is already done. And we need community-centered models that actually listen to kids—especially the quiet ones. Especially the ones already losing hope.

If it weren’t for Nick… if she didn’t have a safe dad to turn to… if she didn’t have someone she trusted enough to reach out to… what would happen to her?

There’s no hotline for emotional abuse. No emergency shelter for kids who are being manipulated and broken down with words. No backup plan for when “just get through it” becomes the only option a child has.

It’s not okay. And it never was.

We need to change the way we respond to pain that doesn’t leave bruises. We need to believe children. We need to stop asking them to be the ones to hold all this alone. Because they’re not okay. And pretending otherwise is only making it worse.

And tonight, as I try to sleep, all I can think is this: she has to go back tomorrow. And I can’t stop it. All I can do is be here. Keep listening. Keep fighting. Keep hoping the next time she reaches out, it’s because someone finally listened.

Finding Balance in Chaos

Reflections from April 14, 2021: Finding Balance in Chaos

Originally documented April 14, 2021 | Posted now as part of my ongoing journey in parenting, co-parenting, and healing

The girls got off the bus around 2:45. At first, everyone seemed to be in a great mood. Aurora mentioned she tripped coming inside and hurt her ankle. After some rest, she said she felt better—but later jumped on the trampoline and said it hurt again. We told her to rest for the night, and she did.

Holding Space for Emotions

Autumn had a much harder time. She’s been more on edge than usual—more defensive, like she feels she has to constantly protect herself. After sitting with her for a bit and having a good conversation, she was able to calm down. She ended up drawing and writing on notebook paper since her journal is missing. She believes her mom may have taken and read it, which only adds to the frustration and lack of privacy she’s feeling. It's a heavy burden for a young teen to carry.

Autumn didn’t have screen time tonight—our house rule is no screens without a clean room and chores done. But we do always make sure they can call and talk to their friends and family. Connection still matters.

Whispers of Comparison and Fear

Aurora told us that although this week wasn’t particularly bad, she noticed that “Mommy is being extra mean to Autumn.” She thinks her mom has a favorite—and it’s her. Aurora said that Autumn is expected to do way more chores than she is and that it feels unfair. What stuck with me was when she said it’s scary when Mommy and Autumn fight.

She described how it usually starts: Mom gets mad at Autumn over something small and starts being rude. Then Autumn reacts, and it escalates back and forth until it gets really intense. It’s heartbreaking to hear that from a child. Nobody should feel scared in their own home.

Trying to Protect and Prepare

We got a call from the DCF worker today. She set up an appointment with us for Wednesday and said she’d be reaching out to Katie after to set up a separate meeting.

We also reset Autumn’s password on her phone. It looked like her settings were wide open—like someone had unlocked everything or uninstalled her protective apps. It’s possible she figured it out, or someone helped her bypass the controls. Either way, it felt safest to reset the password and remove unnecessary apps, keeping only what she needs for school, communication, and coping.

The Little Things We Carry

It might seem small, but we also noticed that Katie didn’t drop off Aurora’s dinner medicine tonight. These little things add up. These little things matter.

We're doing our best with what we have—trying to keep the house calm, the kids grounded, and everyone's needs met. Some days we get it right, other days we just get through. But always, always, we keep trying.

Full Moon Ritual for Protection & Resistance

Full Moon Ritual for Protection & Resistance – April 12th, 2025

Calling all witches, healers, energy workers, and spiritual allies:

On April 12th, under the light of the full moon, we are coming together—not just to charge crystals or reflect—but to rise in sacred resistance. This is a spiritual act of protection, justice, and collective energy work against the political harm being caused to our most vulnerable communities.

This ritual is not about perfection. It’s not about having the right tools or titles. It’s about presence. Intention. Unity. And energy that cannot be silenced. 

This is about intentions and energies, It is ideas Not requirements. 

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🌕 What We’re Doing

From 8:00–8:30 PM local time, gather in your home or with trusted loved ones. You will cast out negative energy, raise protection, and send collective strength to those who need it most.

🧹 Step 1: Prepare a Sacred Space

• Clean a small area in your home (floor, table, altar).
• Place candles, a small cake or bread, and a cup of juice (or ale) in the center.
• Add any incense, stones, or spiritual tools you feel called to include.

🌀 Step 2: Cleanse Your Space

• Walk clockwise around the space with sweetgrass, incense, or just your intention.
• Say aloud: Something Like: "Only peace, protection, and justice may remain." "I cast out all negative and unwanted energies"
• Some people may want to light candles to reflect the strengths of each of the directions northeast south and west. 

🪞 Step 3: Share Your Truth

• Speak your fears, frustrations, and hopes aloud—or journal them.
• This is your time to reflect on the harm happening and name your purpose.

🕯️ Step 4: Light a Candle

• Light a candle for protection (black if possible, but any will do).
• Speak your intentions: “May all who are targeted be shielded. May harm be bound. May the light rise.”
• You can carve names or ideas or people into the candle and then light it. 

🍞 Step 5: Break Bread & Share Drink

• Eat a small piece of cake or bread pass it around the circle and Do the same with the drink. If you have a group and you don't like germs and recommend tiny cups and then sharing it and drinking together as a collective energy of may you never hungry and may you never thirst. 
• Set some aside saying Something along the lines of: “For the hungry. For the thirsty. For those left behind. May they be nourished and safe.”... I am making up a lot of these words please do what feels right to you. 
• Later, place it outside near a tree or on a windowsill as an offering to the world.

🪢 Step 6: Binding Harm

• Write down names of those causing harm.
• Wrap the paper around a stick or pencil. Tie it with yarn or string. If you have incense and you have the time to look up what other herbs or incense are good for binding do so If not this is enough. 
• Say: “I bind you from causing harm. I reclaim this energy for protection.”
• Keep the bundle on a shelf or altar and revisit it as needed.

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✨ Notes of Encouragement

This ritual is open to everyone—Christian, Catholic, Pagan, agnostic, or spiritual-but-not-religious. You don’t have to be a “witch.” You just have to care.

If you’re someone who’s felt overwhelmed, powerless, or unsure how to help—this is one way to ground, act, and send ripples into the world.

The full moon is not just light—it is power. And so are we.

April 12th. 8:00–8:30 PM. Wherever you are. However you practice. Under the moon—we rise together.

Wela’lioq na teliula’lin,
—Tashena

💛 Learning to Care for You—Without Guilt, Shame, or a $300 Spa Day

Let me be real with you for a minute.

Taking time for yourself as a parent can feel impossible. And when you do get a minute? You’re probably too tired to know what to do with it. Or you feel guilty. Or someone needs something again.

I get it.
Because I live it.

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned as a Certified Peer Specialist—and one of my favorite parts of the job—is showing other parents and caregivers that self-care doesn’t have to be expensive, time-consuming, or cringe. It doesn’t need to be a face mask and a bath (unless that’s your thing). It doesn’t require a perfect schedule or a quiet house or someone else to give you permission.

Sometimes, it’s just… sitting in the car a little longer before going inside.
No noise. No requests. Just breath. Just stillness. Just you.

If that sounds like your version of self-care too, I want you to know:
You are not alone—and this workshop is for you.

☕ Reclaiming Self-Care (Without Making It Another Job)

For many of us—especially those who grew up putting everyone else first—learning to take care of ourselves at all can feel uncomfortable. Even wrong.
And if you’ve been surviving in crisis mode for a long time, self-care might feel awkward, unnatural, or even exhausting. That’s okay.

But it shouldn’t feel draining. It shouldn’t become another thing on your to-do list. It shouldn’t leave you feeling worse.

That’s why in this upcoming workshop, we’re going to talk about:

• What real self-care actually looks like (it’s not what Instagram says)
• Why “just take care of yourself” is one of the most harmful things people say to parents
• How to find self-care that truly fits you and expands your capacity, not drains it
• How to build small, sustainable moments of support into your day—even if you don’t have time to shower

We’re not going to fix everything in one session.
But we are going to start filling your cup back up.

Not with guilt. Not with pressure.
But with something real, something light, something yours.

If you’re a parent or caregiver who’s ever felt like there’s nothing left for you…
I hope you’ll join me.
You deserve this. 💛