More Than Chemistry: The Seven Types of Attraction and Connection

More Than Chemistry: The Seven Types of Attraction and Connection

By Tashena Holmes | Mi’kmaq Writer & Peer Advocate

When we talk about attraction, most people think about physical chemistry or romantic feelings. But that’s just one small piece of how we form connections.

In both Avalonian/Celtic and Indigenous teachings, certain numbers are sacred. Seven is one of them. Seven sacred laws. Seven veils. Seven levels of being. These ideas help us understand how relationships form, deepen, and either flourish or fade.

This list of seven types of attraction and connection is adapted from oral traditions I’ve learned while following Avalonian and Celtic Pagan paths. I believe these teachings are deeply relevant to Indigenous culture too, especially when we look at the Seven Sacred Teachings of love, respect, courage, honesty, wisdom, humility, and truth. These teachings invite us to reflect on the way we show up in relationships: not just what we feel, but how we build something meaningful.

The 7 Types of Attraction and Connection

1. Physical Connection:
Being drawn to someone’s physical presence. This includes how they look, smell, move, or the energy they carry. It’s not necessarily sexual. It can just mean you feel comfortable in their space or you’re naturally drawn to their body language and expression.

2. Sexual Connection:
This involves desire and erotic chemistry. You might feel aroused or want sexual intimacy with this person. Not everyone experiences this kind of attraction (and that’s valid), but it’s important to know whether it’s mutual, respectful, and safe.

3. Romantic Connection:
This is about wanting to build something special. It’s the fluttery feelings, the longing to be close, the daydreams of being “chosen” by someone. Romantic attraction is emotional and often idealistic. It wants connection, exclusivity, or partnership, even if it's not always sexual.

4. Platonic Connection:
Friendship energy. Deep companionship, loyalty, emotional trust, and shared joy. These are your best friends, your soul siblings, the people who show up for you without needing anything back. It’s powerful love that isn’t romantic or sexual, but is just as real.

5. Familial Connection:
This is the feeling of “home” — safety, comfort, and protectiveness. Sometimes it’s rooted in blood family, but often it comes from chosen family. You might feel this with someone who plays a sibling, elder, or parent-like role. It often builds through shared care and time.

6. Spiritual Connection:
This is where belief systems and soul resonance meet. You may share a religion, spiritual path, or worldview, or simply feel like your values align in a way that matters deeply. This kind of connection often comes with a sense of fate or shared purpose. It can be mystical, grounding, or both. It’s hard to build with someone whose core beliefs oppose yours, so this bond matters more than we often realize.

7. Intellectual or Creative Connection:
This is when you connect through ideas, conversation, inspiration, or shared passions. It might feel like mental fireworks or quiet curiosity. You want to build something together: a playlist, a business, a dream, or just a really good conversation that goes late into the night.

You Don’t Need All Seven… But They Can Be Built

Most relationships start with one or two of these. That’s okay. You might meet someone and only feel a platonic or intellectual spark, or feel immediate sexual chemistry without much else.

But here’s the truth: attraction can evolve into connection, and connection can deepen over time. You can build missing layers if you tend to the bond with care and intention.

A few examples:

• If romantic feelings are missing, sometimes building emotional safety and shared values can help that love grow.
• If there’s no creative spark, try making something together: art, music, or even a shared goal.
• If your beliefs feel different, explore whether your values still align beneath the surface.
• If sexual chemistry feels off, focus on trust and communication. Sometimes desire grows with vulnerability.

The more types of connection you share, the more layered, flexible, and resilient your relationship becomes.

Why This Matters in Dating and Friendship

When we only focus on one kind of connection — especially sexual or romantic — we risk forming shallow bonds that fizzle out or become unhealthy.

But when we build relationships across multiple types of connection, we’re more likely to experience real intimacy, mutual growth, and lasting companionship. These are the relationships where we feel seen, held, and supported in more than just one area of our life.

And not everyone is meant to be everything to us. Some people are meant to be spiritual mirrors. Some are meant to be playmates. Some are soul-level family. That doesn’t make the connection less. It just makes it honest.

Final Thoughts

These reflections come from oral teachings passed through community. They live in the hearts of queer communities, Pagan circles, Indigenous storykeepers, and anyone who believes in connection as sacred.

I believe they reflect the wisdom of the Seven Sacred Teachings, and can help us reimagine what relationships — romantic, platonic, spiritual, and familial — can look like when built with intention.

So when you feel a pull toward someone, ask yourself:

• What kind of attraction or connection is this?
• What does this bond need to grow?
• And how can I show up in a way that honors us both?

Because real connection isn’t just something we fall into. It’s something we build.

Why I’ll Never Shrink Again: Love, Loss, and Reclaiming My Identity

Why I’ll Never Shrink Again: Love, Loss, and Reclaiming My Identity

I know some people know that I was contemplating a relationship with Nick again. We were dating a little bit. Thankfully, I didn’t really get too attached again, but the idea of having my family back was too hard not to consider at least.

However, I now know that it will never work. Love just really isn’t enough.

It took me a long time to understand that. You can love someone and still be wrong for them. You can love someone and still hurt them. You can love someone and still not be able—or willing—to grow. And if they’re not willing to grow with you? Love becomes a leash. Not a bond.

I’ve learned that love without accountability becomes a trap.

You can’t keep building trust on words alone. You can’t promise change and then disappear when it’s hard. You can’t say “I love you” and never ask what that looks like for the person you claim to love.

You shouldn’t have to shrink to be loved.

And honestly? That’s the line that hits the hardest for me. Because even after everything—after the cheating, the ghosting, the broken promises—the biggest red flag wasn’t one of those events. It was the slow disappearance of me.

After I finally started to recover from our relationship… after I started to remember who I was again… getting back together felt like losing all of that progress. My kids are sick of seeing me cry. No matter how much I tried to hide it, there are a lot of people in this apartment, and the walls aren’t exactly soundproof.

I’ve spent 17 years of my life sacrificing myself and who I am because I thought that’s what love meant. I really believed that if you loved someone, you gave them everything. You put yourself second. You held it all together. You made it work, even when it hurt.

But the truth is, I only got frustrated when no one did it for me. And now I realize—I don’t want anyone to sacrifice themselves for me. I never have. So why would I allow others to expect that from me?

Maybe it’s never too late to reclaim your identity. Maybe breaking a cycle starts with saying: “I don’t have to keep bleeding to prove that I love someone.”

Switching from traditional talk therapy—which honestly, I hated—to family systems work helped a lot. That was the first time someone told me that staying in unhealthy relationships is a form of self-harm. That it ripples through every part of my life: my parenting, my work, my health, my joy.

And yes, a LOT of DBT. 🤣

I’m not saying I’m healed. I’m saying I’m healing. And I’m saying my kids will never again see me disappear for love.

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Talking to Your Kids About Relationships

If you’re dating—or thinking about dating again—ask yourself: what are your kids learning from your relationships?

• Do they see you being respected and safe?
• Do they see you apologize when you hurt someone?
• Do they see you choose yourself, too?

Some gentle questions you can explore with your kids (age-appropriate, of course):

• What do you think makes a relationship healthy?
• How do you know when someone loves you?
• What’s something you would never want someone you love to go through?
• Do you think adults can still grow and change?
• Is it okay to leave a relationship that hurts you, even if you still love them?

The one thing that always keeps me grounded is looking at my kids. Sometimes, when I feel like sacrificing myself for someone else, I remember: I would never want my children to do that. Not for me. Not for anyone.

If not for me… then for them. Because they’re always watching. And I want them to learn that love is supposed to feel safe.

Blog Title: Supporting Your Child Through Body Shame While Building Healthy Habits

Supporting Your Child Through Body Shame While Building Healthy Habits

I want to talk about something that hits home for a lot of us, especially those of us who were told we were "too big" growing up. Maybe you were teased in gym class. Maybe you started dieting way too young. Maybe no matter what size you were, it never felt like you were enough. And now you're parenting a child who's starting to say things like, "I'm fat," or hiding in their room after being picked on at school.

It's heartbreaking. And it can bring up a lot of feelings.

As parents, we want our kids to feel proud of who they are. We want them to be healthy. But sometimes, it's hard to figure out where one ends and the other begins. How do we promote health without feeding shame? How do we help them move their bodies without making it feel like punishment? How do we protect their confidence in a world that seems determined to tear it down?

Here's what I've learned from other parents, from peer advocates, and from my own journey.

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1. Separate Health from Appearance

We have to stop using weight as the main sign of health. Thin doesn't mean healthy. Fat doesn't mean unhealthy. Instead, ask things like:

• Do you feel energized after you eat?
• Can you play, climb, and move in a way that feels good?
• Are you sleeping okay?

These are the markers that matter. Remind your child that health comes in lots of body types, and that no one owes the world thinness to be worthy of love, safety, or fun.

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2. Create a Judgment-Free Zone Around Food

If your child has ADHD or autism, food might already be a battle zone. Impulsivity, sensory sensitivities, and emotional regulation struggles can make eating tricky. The goal is to take the pressure off.

• Keep balanced foods where they’re easy to grab.
• Make a family rule that no one comments on anyone else’s portion or plate.
• Avoid labeling foods as "bad." Instead say: "Some foods help our body grow, some give us quick energy, some just taste good."
• Make a house rule to eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full.
• If you have a child who eats really fast, you can make reminders or rules to take sips of water in between each bite or make sure they put their fork down so their brain has time to process the food and recognize fullness. (These are tips from my personal child nutritionist.)

The key is to build a relationship with food that's about trust and listening, not fear.

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3. Focus on Joyful Movement, Not Exercise

Instead of saying, "You need to get outside," try:

• "Want to play music and dance with me?"
• "Let’s race to the end of the block."
• "Can you stretch like a cat? Show me!"
• "Why don't you walk to your friend’s house or ride your bike?"

Let movement be silly, social, or creative. Even if your child resists structure, they may still enjoy moving if it's on their terms. Especially for kids who are isolating, movement needs to feel safe and enjoyable before it becomes routine.

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4. Address Bullying and Inner Critic Thoughts Directly

When kids are teased for their bodies, they often internalize it and start to believe it's their fault. As parents, we can help them rewrite that narrative.

"What those kids said was cruel and wrong. Your body is not the problem. Their behavior is."

And if they say, "I feel fat":

"Can you tell me what that means to you? Are you feeling uncomfortable, sad, left out, tired?"

This opens the door for real emotional expression, not just surface-level body talk.

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5. Be a Mirror, Not a Magnifier

Kids learn how to treat their bodies by watching us.

• Do you call yourself names in the mirror?
• Do you refuse to eat in front of people?
• Do you talk about your weight constantly?

You don’t have to be perfect. Just practice saying out loud:

• "I’m learning to be kind to my body."
• "All bodies are good bodies."
• "My body helps me do amazing things."

Even if you’re faking it some days, it matters.

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6. Set Loving Boundaries Around Habits

You can still create structure without linking it to size or worth.

• "We play outside before screen time because our brains focus better."
• "We keep snacks in the kitchen so we don’t graze all night and get a tummy ache."
• "We move our bodies every day—not to shrink them, but to take care of them."
• Limit screen time: if you limit the amount of time your child is sitting on devices, they’re more likely to want to get up and move. It’s recommended to limit screen time to two hours per day, but even if you break it into two hours in the afternoon and two hours at night, it’s still progress. You can create screen-free blocks or screen-time blocks—work with what’s best for your family.

It’s not about control. It’s about consistency, modeling, and compassion.

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Final Thoughts

Your child doesn’t need a diet. They need safety, structure, and self-love.

They need to know they are already enough.

And if you’re still healing your own body image wounds? That’s okay too. You don’t have to have it all figured out to show up with love. Sometimes, just sitting next to them and saying, "Me too," is the most powerful thing you can do.

Let’s raise kids who trust their bodies, listen to their needs, and move through the world like they belong.
Because they do.